When your child or daughter gets their very first period, that’s not the time to start learning or talking about periods. Ideally, parents should anticipate it, have already discussed it with them, and be at least somewhat prepared.
10 Things Parents Must Know Before Daughter’s First Period
On this page, I want to share with you the 10 things every parent should know before their child starts their period.
1. You Don’t Have to Be an Expert
While you don’t have to be an expert on periods, it is your responsibility as a parent to safely and appropriately guide your child through this transition.
By utilizing trusted resources like this blog, you’re already well on your way to providing the support, understanding, and knowledge your daughter will need during these first few years.
2. You Should See It Coming
Your child’s first period shouldn’t shock you. While you won’t be able to predict the exact day or week, there are many signs that let you know your child has entered puberty and that periods are on the way.
Most people don’t know this, but the first sign of puberty is the growth of the hands and feet. Other signs include the development of body odor, acne, underarm and pubic hair, and breast development. Breast development, in particular, is a key sign because periods typically start approximately two years after it begins.
Breast development starts with a small, tender bud under the nipple area and progresses to the growth of breast tissue around the nipple and areola. Periods usually start after this stage. Any of these signs can be your signal to start preparing for what’s to come.
3. Check Your Baggage
Not everyone has had positive experiences around periods, puberty, or reproductive health. Sometimes, I find moms immediately burdening their daughters with fears of the pain, suffering, or mistreatment they personally experienced, unknowingly casting a negative light on this normal stage of development before their child even tries their first pad.
I want parents to really deal with those things the things they didn’t understand, the things that may have surprised them, the pains they may have experienced, and the ways puberty may have altered friendships or family relationships.
For some fathers, this may be a moment to evaluate how they viewed periods or puberty in their adolescent years and acknowledge any negative associations they may still carry today. This is a deeply personal process and may take longer for some than others, but it’s critical to start with this so your child gets a chance at having their own period or puberty experience instead of reliving or even paying for the damages of yours.
4. Periods Are Normal
It’s critical to understand that periods are normal, so there’s no need to panic. They’re something we expect, and if we’re honest, we’d be even more alarmed if our child just never got a period.
I’ve seen patients with this very issue, and while the causes can vary, there’s almost always deep anxiety and fear that they may not be capable of the normal process of carrying a child or bringing life into this world if they so choose.
Celebrate that your child is undergoing normal development because not every child has this privilege.
5. The Purpose of Periods Is Pregnancy
I’m not saying your child’s purpose is to become pregnant. I’m saying that periods and the physiologic process of menstruation are all about pregnancy. Even puberty is about the transition from a childlike body to a more adult-like body for the purpose of reproducing.
The actual period or menstruation is the process by which our body prepares for pregnancy on a monthly basis. When pregnancy doesn’t occur, the lining of the uterus that has grown since the last period sheds and prepares again for the possibility of pregnancy the next cycle.
For this reason, it’s tough to explain periods without discussing pregnancy. Many parents don’t want to think about it, but once periods start, pregnancy is possible. While you may feel your child is too young to be pregnant, that doesn’t change the fact that their body has now become capable. It’s better to acknowledge this and make your child or teen aware.
6. The Conversation Is Only as Awkward as You Make It
When we think about explaining periods to a child, it gets super overwhelming, mostly at the thought of talking about bleeding, pregnancy, and even sex.
You don’t necessarily have to broach all these topics at once, but I want you to think back to when you guided your child through one of the strangest things baby teeth falling out. There was blood, pain, and a random dangling tooth, and all. And what did you do then? You reassured them they’d have adult teeth in the future and that you’d be there by their side. Your kid didn’t panic or throw a tantrum because you calmly explained that what they were experiencing was normal and that everything would be okay.
We don’t have to separate this so much from periods. Periods can be a bit messy, involuntary, and sometimes uncomfortable, but they’re an expectation of normal health and development. Lean into this fact, and your child will follow your lead.
7. Your Child Is Not Immediately an Adult
Just because your child is in puberty or getting periods doesn’t mean they’re automatically an adult overnight. Saying phrases like, “You’re becoming a woman,” isn’t necessarily wrong, but the idea that an 11-year-old or a nine-year-old is now a woman because their body elected to spontaneously start this process is a little unfair.
Try not to think of periods and puberty as ushering into adulthood but really just a stage of childhood.
8. Periods Aren’t Dirty
It’s easy to say periods aren’t dirty because they’re normal, but the rebuttal would be, “That’s not true. For example, pooping is normal, and that’s dirty. Urinating is normal, and that’s kind of dirty too.”
Well, periods aren’t part of our control. We can’t hold them in, and we don’t get clear cues from our brains for when they’re about to start. No, we don’t need to have used products strewn about, but we also don’t need to make a person feel dirty because they’re on their period.
I think a lot of societal and cultural norms have focused on making periods something very negative. Shifting that focus to something positive can improve your child’s self-esteem and their acceptance of their body’s changes during this time.
9. Always Keep an Open Line of Communication
Periods can become abnormal, so always keep an open line of communication. There are normal ranges for periods, so you need to set some baseline parameters for your child.
Let them know they need to tell you when they’re on their period if they’re bleeding enough to change a menstrual product more than once per hour, or if they’re bleeding longer than seven days that’s abnormal. They also need to tell you if they have pain, nausea, or other period-related symptoms that make it hard for them to complete daily activities.
The truth is, that a culture of silence around periods is harmful. I heard many stories about gilrs who bled for over a month without seeking help because their parents told them not to talk about their period. When you set this expectation, you set your child up for dangerous possibilities.
Abnormally heavy or prolonged periods can lead to severe anemia. Conditions like endometriosis can cause debilitating pain. The more severe form of PMS, known as PMDD, can cause emotional or mood disturbances that affect daily life.
By ignoring these things or preventing your child from speaking about them openly, you can prevent them from getting the care they need.
10. Periods Aren’t Just for Girls or Women to Understand
It’s everyone’s role to promote a safe and positive environment around health. It’s not just mom’s role, an aunt’s role, an older sister’s role, or grandma’s role, it can and should be dad’s role too.
As an adult committed to providing the best care for your child on their periods, guiding them through normal stages of growth and development is the minimum you should be doing. Even siblings need to be part of the conversation to truly change the culture around periods.
Even if you didn’t have a great period experience, you can change that for your child by being the parent or guardian you wanted to have while you transitioned through your puberty and period years. It’s not too late, it’s not too hard, you’re more than capable, and you’re the right person for the job.
Let’s work together to create a supportive and informed environment for our children as they navigate this important stage of life.